Christmas Angel

Oh Georgia, you always know how to touch my heart!

I think I am not the only one who considers you an angel in my life, someone who is watching over me, caring for me, guiding me in my life's decisions.  I have felt your nudge, your comfort, your presence at crucial points in my life, and I thank you for continuing to be such an important, positive influence on me.

I think of you whenever anyone mentions "heavenly hosts singing Allelujah"...which happens alot this time of year.

As I was putting away the Christmas decorations the other day, I came across a box that I haven't opened for over ten years.  My first instinct was to throw it away, because I certainly have enough Christmas decorations, and if I hadn't opened it in a decade, why ever would I need it now?  But my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to open it.  Inside the box, among such kitchy gems as ceramic Santas and porcelain reindeer, I found a tiny wooden angel mounted to a letter written on cardstock paper.  It was from you, dated Christmas of 1997.  I cannot tell you how it warmed my heart to read a letter that had been handwritten by you to me, to be reminded again of our friendship and love for each other, and to realize that that friendship truly is eternal.  (I also loved that the letter starts out "Dear Haleigh..." and then Haleigh's name is scratched out and mine written there instead, with a goofy "sorry" scribbled next to it!)

On the other side of the letter was a scripture I don't usually associate with Christmas, but most certainly do associate with you.  "For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways."  Psalms 91:11

Thanks, Georgia, for fulfilling your charge so beautifully.

Merry Christmas.

My Little Sister, Georgia

I have been reading these posts about Georgia, looking at the pictures that usher in a flow of memories, listening to friends that explain different moments in her life that affected them, meeting all the children that are named after her and feeling the emotions rushing around in my heart.  It's quite an experience to  sit down and write my thoughts about my little sister.  She is so dear to me.  What to share?  Do I write an essay (as many have) regarding how it must feel for one of my best friends to die suddenly and then feeling the loss of that friendship? Do I bear my testimony that I know we will be together again and we will commune with love together forever? Do I admit to the tears of pain and sadness when I miss her and wonder what it would be like to have her here living down the street as a 31 year old vibrant woman? Do I start with the tender moments in the last ten years when I've prayed to Heavenly Father for Georgia's help and then felt her sweet spirit near? I'm sure you can see, dear reader, that for an older sister, who is supposed to be the example and a strong one in her life, a tribute to Georgia is full of emotions, thoughts, experiences, hopes, remembrances and "what do I say"'s.  For now, I'll share a letter, that if she were here, I would send to Georgia:

Dear Georgia,

Ah, it is a beautiful fall day....well, actually, it is a little overcast. BUT, the leaves are falling, the wind is crisp and I can feel the change in the air!  Isn't fall an amazing season?  The mountains are beautiful, also.  We went up to the cabin last weekend to celebrate Mom's birthday. It was so fun to be with the family, hear the nieces and nephews squawking and playing games inside and out and bundling up to grill outside before running back into the warmth.  We talked about Elder Anderson's talk in General Conference a bit. What did you think??  What was it like to hear your name and our experience over the pulpit?  I think Elder Anderson was very well spoken in explaining a difficult trial.  Of course, we all like to talk of it as a learning experience instead of a trial. Somehow thinking of it as a learning experience makes it a forward-thinking, pre-ordained happening that we try to understand instead of a backward, stuck, sad moment in our lives.

I often wonder what you are doing. Then, I think of you laughing and smiling as we ask that question.  I can see you smiling your coy, playful little smile and saying with a wink, "Oh, you'll see!"  and then after a moment, exclaiming, "It's so awesome to be able to see my friends and family all the time! I don't have to take an airplane anymore! I get to do what I have always wanted to do: teach, support, sing with and love those that I love!"  At least, that is what I imagine your response to be.  I'll admit that often I just want to see you and talk face to face with you.  There are so many people who talk about you - even ten years later!  It's amazing to me that your spirit lives on so strongly outside of our family.  It's quite a blessing to us to hear all of the wonderful things you did while you were at college. Actions you took to help others. Letters you wrote to lift your roommates. Performances you shared that brought those listening closer to the Lord - and taught them how to feel the Spirit of the Lord. It makes me feel closer to you.  There are some beautiful words that Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf shared in the October 2012 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He said,

"So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.  The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don't really matter or determine our happiness. WE do matter. WE determine our happiness. You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness... no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it." 

So, I go on in life with hope! Faith! Charity!  I know I'll see you again, my dear sister.  I love you.  Until that day when we are reunited, I will find something in each day to embrace and cherish. I will share the Spirit of the Lord and the love I know you share with us, with those I come in contact with.  I love you, my dear.  Keep singing and skipping along.  We are there for you as you are there for us!  Move forward with joy in your journey!

Love, Caroline.

Georgia Goes World Wide

In the LDS General conference Broadcast two weeks ago Elder Neil Anderson, one of the 12 Apostles, spoke about trials and used Georgia's story at the beginning and the end of his talk.  For those of you who don't know, that is huge because General Conference is broadcast across the globe and translated into dozens of languages.  It was a beautiful talk and I wanted to share it with you if you haven't had a chance to see it.  It's worth watching instead of reading because there are a few pictures shown while he speaks.  I hope you feel a peace as you watch here.   I know I did.

Elder Anderson was the area authority in Brazil while my parents were there and so they reported to him and also became friends with him and his wife, Kathy.  They have lunch together about once a year about this time and this year in particular they had some tender conversations about Georgia and all that passed during that trying time.  The Andersons asked if they could come to the balloon release and then a few days later Elder Anderson asked if he could use Georgia's story in his talk and bring a church photographer to the grave.   I don't know if anyone ever tells an Apostle "no thanks" and we weren't about to either!  Plus, we were honored that he would ask.  It was special for our family, so thank you Elder Anderson!

If Georgia were here...

I was so grateful for the balloon release to look forward to on Georgia's special day. I had been pondering for some months before what I might do to honor her and celebrate her life that day instead of just mope. And yet, after the balloon release and the kids were in bed, I felt the pang of her absence and couldn't help the tears. I longed to be in Utah with everyone and to feel the closeness of those who love her so dearly as I do. As I cried, a sudden warmth came over me and the thought entered my mind - "what would we be doing if Georgia were here right now?" I immediately felt happy! I knew exactly what we'd be doing! We would be laughing, eating gummy bears, talking about the Gospel and life in general, and at some point playing our violins - both serious and fun music, of course. :)

I couldn't help but smile and feel the urge to play as I reminisced. Memories of Georgia flooded my mind, and as I played Beethoven's "Romance," I was reminded of an experience our sophomore(?) year of college. Ever since we were young, we had a tradition of playing our violins with and for each other whenever we had sleepovers. This time, Georgia played the Romance for me. Before she played, she talked about her great respect for Mr. Fucs and how grateful she was that he encouraged her to play from her heart, along with the many other great things he taught her. As she played, it was as though I could see her very soul! The Spirit filled the room, and her music, though it came from a violin, seemed to come from heaven. It sounded almost like singing. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I will never forget it. Anyone who has heard her play has perhaps had a similar experience.

Years ago, my violin teacher said, "Some people play to dazzle, others play to touch." Well, Georgia could certainly dazzle any audience, that's for sure, but that wasn't her goal. She truly did play to touch the hearts of those who listened, which she absolutely did every time she played.

My spirits were lifted and I felt connected to her through the music. As my husband and I looked through her pictures, read her testimony, and ate chocolate ice cream,  I again rejoiced that, although not in visible form, she actually IS here. :)

A Ten-Year Celebration

I have been in tears way too many times this month, looking at all of the people who released balloons and wrote wonderful remembrances of Georgia.  Thank you so so much for helping our family feel close to Georgia.  I hope it was as healing to all of you as it was to us.  We had such a special day on the 10th anniversary and I don't want to take any excitement out of what Haleigh Vance is creating with all of the footage of the balloon releases, but I wanted to post a couple of pictures of the Salt Lake City gathering.  The light and spirit of the weekend has stayed with me and really changed me.  I returned home to Milwaukee feeling UP and Joyful and more than anything, Grateful.  Because of Georgia's wonderful way of living we were able to rejoice and celebrate this event instead of mourn, although there were tears aplenty.  Wish you could have all been there, but we felt your support in a very real way.  Thank you.

My beautiful mother with flowers from old friends, the Debry's.

My cute dad who excitedly went to buy 20 balloons - all in the wrong colors!  We gave him a hard time about it and got a really good laugh out of it and true to his character, he took it like a man.  He took care of so many details that day including cleaning up the grave.  We couldn't have done it without him.

My parents shared journal entries and Georgia's testimony of the Book of Mormon.

A picture with all of the sisters, even Georgia.

Adam, our brother, rounding up kids and balloons.  It ended up being a gorgeous night.

Elder Neal Anderson and his wife came to honor Georgia (they are friends of my parents and came to know them well while serving in Brazil when Georgia pass away).  Elder Anderson shared some wonderful and comforting words, recounting the story of Lazarus and telling us that his story is for all of us and that the resurrection is real and true and it feels good to us because it is true, not just because that's what we want to hear.  It was a humble but sure testimony and I loved it.  

Dear and wonderful music friends with their children - a few of whom share a common name.  One of their daughters ("Sister Shearer" who served as a missionary in Nauvoo with Georgia - in the lighter pink shirt) made sure everyone at the grave knew that her name was Georgia.  One of the two little girls in front (Brittany Gardner's daughter) has the middle name Georgia, and that's George in the arms of his father, Joe Marshall.  With my own daughter Georgia, my nephew George, all of these children, and others I haven't mentioned, our dear Georgia Marriott will be remembered for generations.  

Memorial Concert at IU

Around the first anniversary of Georgia's passing a group of friends and musicians at Indiana University put together a memorial concert in honor of Georgia.  It was beautifully performed and such a fitting way to honor one of their own, one of their music school "family members."  A whole chamber orchestra performed as well as some solos, quartets, and duos.  I will try to figure out the music links so all can hear the concert here on the blog, but for now, here are some snap shots of the concert.  Thank you all for a wonderful memory!

Nancy and Jerry - Georgia's aunt and uncle - flew out from Utah to hear the concert.

I swallowed my pride (don't mind my crazy eyes...) to include this photo because these other lovely ladies played so beautifully.  

Gregory and Jimmy

Friends at a reception afterwards at the Institute of Religion across the street from the music school.

The Festival of Trees

Every year in Utah The Festival of Trees opens in December.  It's a charitable organization that auctions off donated, decorated Christmas trees.  Every year the trees become more and more amazing and you can see every theme under the sun.  The Christmas of 2002 our cousin, Karen Sonkens and her mother (my dad's sister) Nancy went to town creating a tree in honor of Georgia.  It was absolutely gorgeous with violins, angels, gold music notes, twinkly ornaments and ribbon.  On a table next to the tree they placed a Book of Mormon with Georgia's testimony in it.  Since my parents were still in Brazil serving a mission for our church, my husband and I went together and relayed over the phone how beautiful it was, knowing someone would buy it and they would never see it.  Once the auctions were over and the trees taken home we got a phone call.  The father of Adam's mission companion in Korea had bought Georgia's tree and was bringing it to my parents' house in Salt Lake City.  Every year the Ashton family sets aside a large sum of money to give or donate or use to help someone.  The tree was his generous and tender gift that year to our family, so every year my parents take out "Georgia's Tree" and assemble it in it's place of honor - right by the front door.  Every Christmas a little bit of Georgia mingles with the festivities and quiet moments, thanks to our cousins, the Sonkens, and of course the Ashton family.

A Miracle

On the day of Georgia's funeral in Salt Lake City, we as a family gathered at our home after the funeral and the beautiful meal prepared for us by the Relief Society (the LDS women's organization).  The mood was quiet, pensive, tender and so to walk outside and see a gorgeous double rainbow right there in our backyard felt like a gift from the Lord.  It was like a reminder that He was really in charge and it would be okay.  This picture doesn't do it justice, but we think of it as our own little miracle, our tender mercy.

I thought I'd also include the program from the funeral in Salt Lake City.  It was a meeting unlike any I've ever attended and we were so blessed to hear from so many incredible people that day, including a surprise visit and talk from President Monson.  Hopefully you can read it.  We were missing two brothers who were on missions for our church: Adam who was in Korea and David who was in Portugal at the time.  Their own experiences through it all are remarkable as well (how does a young man take the news over the phone in a foreign country that his sister suddenly passed away?).  Maybe they will share them sometime here on the blog because they were both so strong, it's inspiring.

Good Old Georgia

I just love these pictures of Georgia growing up - in no particular order.

A decade?

I'm sure there are many heavy hearts today.  And rightfully so.  It's been ten years since Georgia left us.  And if by grieving we obtain a softer heart, or a greater reverence for life, or a greater determination to love each other and savor every moment of this sometimes difficult but always beautiful life, then let the grief come.  Let it change us for the better.

I think she appreciates the way we think about her and honor her memory.  I know so many little children who bear her name!  I know so many people who say that the memory of her life inspires them to be better!  I know so many people who are better for having known her! (and I hope that I am one of them)

And while I want to use today to honor her life, and to honor the way the memory of her reminds me to be a better person, I also want to find a way to smile today.  To find joy and laughter, because those things, more than anything, remind me of her.

And so, I will share a story.

The December after Georgia passed away, I was home from college for Christmas break.  I decided to visit her grave site for the first time, and take her a white poinsettia.  I had just met a guy who'd served in Nauvoo with her and, because he was in town for the holidays too, we decided to visit the grave together.

I can remember that day very well: the gray skies, the heavy snow, the coldness in my heart and in my hands.  My mother had described to me where Georgia's grave was located and I listened carefully so I'd be sure to find it.

My friend (whom I'd later marry and raise a family with) and I drove around and around the cemetery looking for it, but we couldn't find it.  We decided that it must be covered in the snow somewhere.  So we drove to where we thought it probably was, and placed the poinsettia in the snow.  I can still see in my mind's eye that lone flower surrounded by the snow on that gray, overcast day. I broke down in tears, and was so glad that I had someone by my side who had known her, and could understand why the loss of her life would affect me so greatly.  Without saying a word, he wrapped his arm around me and just let me cry.

It was a quiet drive home.

But, in talking with my mom that evening, I realized I had actually gone to the wrong cemetery.  No wonder I hadn't found her grave!  It wasn't there!  I had ended up leaving that poinsettia just in some random spot on the ground!   And I had stood there crying in front of a pile of snow and a potted plant.  How ludicrous!  And rather than feeling upset that I'd been to the wrong place, all I could do was laugh at the absurdity of it.  It was like Georgia was reminding me that, even in difficult times, there can be humor and joy and laughter.

So Georgia, while we mourn your passing today, I hope we will also remember the way you lived: with charisma, and joy, and life, and laughter.

With love,
Brittany

Haleigh, Georgia and me at the Columbus, OH temple in 1999

A Letter From Georgia

I was roommates with Georgia for one year (1999-2000) at Indiana University. We LOVED our CD player and we loved sharing our favorite songs with each other. Some of them became "our songs." At the end of our year together, we missed saying goodbye and moving out together because Georgia was auditioning to be a musical missionary for the summer in Nauvoo. I came into our dorm the day she moved out, and there was a CD she had made for me, a box of Nylons (because she had borrowed mine and used them all), and this beautiful letter. I found it the other day in my CD case, tucked right under the CD she made for me, and I wanted to share it with you all. It's so - Georgia!

Baby Georgia

I meant to publish this post long ago and never did.  My baby girl is now 2 years old...

This is my little Georgia, or "Baby Georgia" as my boys call her.  She is wearing my grandmother's pearls, the ones intended for my sister Georgia once she graduated from college.  Last week my baby "met" her great-grandmother and became the receipiant of those pearls.  It was a wonderful moment for me, remembering Georgia and passing on something to connect the two Georgias.  I feel so honored to use the name for my own daughter and hope that she will come to know what a special person her aunt is.

Georgia at Indiana University

Georgia finished three years at Indiana University, one of the largest and best music schools in the country.  Although the music school has well over a thousand students the musicians become a kind of family, tucked within a Big 10 University.  Students from literally all over the world come to study in Bloomington and so Georgia had a very international group of friends, all of them very talented in their own right.  Georgia studied violin with Mauricio Fucs whose studio was particularly close, but she also had a "family" through the LDS Institute which was right across the street from the music school, and well, ahem, if I do say so myself, a sister and brother in-law.  We were roommates during my last year at IU.  Wasn't I lucky?  I will try very hard to remember names here, but forgive me since it's been 10 years since I've seen most of these remarkable people.  I'll just put first names for privacy - my apologies to those whose names I have forgotten.

With Felix in Mr. Fucs' studio.

With Short-term roommate, Adrienne

Alan - also from Mr. Fucs' studio

On a hike 

At a dance with Marty

With Felix and Jimmy, her stand partner

In Austria while studying abroad

At an IU game with friends from church, Bruce and Sally

With roommate, Shanna and her brother

With roommate, Sally.  Shanna and Sally were Georgia's roommates during her senior year at IU and helped the family go through her room, arrange things at the funeral in Indiana, and communicate the news to friends so we didn't have to.  Thank you!

With Mr. Fucs and his wife

With friends from Mr. Fucs' studio

Hanging out with Bruce

After a concert in Gratz, Austria with her violin on her back.

Freshman year with roommate Haleigh in the dorm.

With friends from church (and Youming) at the Institute

Quartet

Church friends - roommates Shanna and Sally

With Michelle at the Institute

With Michelle and their hair for Locks of Love.  I went (as moral support) with Georgia to get her hair cut and when we walked out of the salon she cried and cried.  She really did have beautiful, long hair!

Lots of love and flowers after her Junior recital

End of freshman year.

Stand partner and dear friend, Jimmy

Jimmy was in Gratz with Georgia (I hope my memory is not wrong on this...)

At a performance with Jimmy

With Jordan 

Friends at church - Michelle

Post-concert with conductor and orchestra friends

After her recital with roommates Shanna and Sally

Hanging out with Sally (who must have given her many rides)

Another studio gathering - with Sarah.