My Little Sister, Georgia

I have been reading these posts about Georgia, looking at the pictures that usher in a flow of memories, listening to friends that explain different moments in her life that affected them, meeting all the children that are named after her and feeling the emotions rushing around in my heart.  It's quite an experience to  sit down and write my thoughts about my little sister.  She is so dear to me.  What to share?  Do I write an essay (as many have) regarding how it must feel for one of my best friends to die suddenly and then feeling the loss of that friendship? Do I bear my testimony that I know we will be together again and we will commune with love together forever? Do I admit to the tears of pain and sadness when I miss her and wonder what it would be like to have her here living down the street as a 31 year old vibrant woman? Do I start with the tender moments in the last ten years when I've prayed to Heavenly Father for Georgia's help and then felt her sweet spirit near? I'm sure you can see, dear reader, that for an older sister, who is supposed to be the example and a strong one in her life, a tribute to Georgia is full of emotions, thoughts, experiences, hopes, remembrances and "what do I say"'s.  For now, I'll share a letter, that if she were here, I would send to Georgia:

Dear Georgia,

Ah, it is a beautiful fall day....well, actually, it is a little overcast. BUT, the leaves are falling, the wind is crisp and I can feel the change in the air!  Isn't fall an amazing season?  The mountains are beautiful, also.  We went up to the cabin last weekend to celebrate Mom's birthday. It was so fun to be with the family, hear the nieces and nephews squawking and playing games inside and out and bundling up to grill outside before running back into the warmth.  We talked about Elder Anderson's talk in General Conference a bit. What did you think??  What was it like to hear your name and our experience over the pulpit?  I think Elder Anderson was very well spoken in explaining a difficult trial.  Of course, we all like to talk of it as a learning experience instead of a trial. Somehow thinking of it as a learning experience makes it a forward-thinking, pre-ordained happening that we try to understand instead of a backward, stuck, sad moment in our lives.

I often wonder what you are doing. Then, I think of you laughing and smiling as we ask that question.  I can see you smiling your coy, playful little smile and saying with a wink, "Oh, you'll see!"  and then after a moment, exclaiming, "It's so awesome to be able to see my friends and family all the time! I don't have to take an airplane anymore! I get to do what I have always wanted to do: teach, support, sing with and love those that I love!"  At least, that is what I imagine your response to be.  I'll admit that often I just want to see you and talk face to face with you.  There are so many people who talk about you - even ten years later!  It's amazing to me that your spirit lives on so strongly outside of our family.  It's quite a blessing to us to hear all of the wonderful things you did while you were at college. Actions you took to help others. Letters you wrote to lift your roommates. Performances you shared that brought those listening closer to the Lord - and taught them how to feel the Spirit of the Lord. It makes me feel closer to you.  There are some beautiful words that Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf shared in the October 2012 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He said,

"So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.  The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don't really matter or determine our happiness. WE do matter. WE determine our happiness. You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness... no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it." 

So, I go on in life with hope! Faith! Charity!  I know I'll see you again, my dear sister.  I love you.  Until that day when we are reunited, I will find something in each day to embrace and cherish. I will share the Spirit of the Lord and the love I know you share with us, with those I come in contact with.  I love you, my dear.  Keep singing and skipping along.  We are there for you as you are there for us!  Move forward with joy in your journey!

Love, Caroline.

Georgia Goes World Wide

In the LDS General conference Broadcast two weeks ago Elder Neil Anderson, one of the 12 Apostles, spoke about trials and used Georgia's story at the beginning and the end of his talk.  For those of you who don't know, that is huge because General Conference is broadcast across the globe and translated into dozens of languages.  It was a beautiful talk and I wanted to share it with you if you haven't had a chance to see it.  It's worth watching instead of reading because there are a few pictures shown while he speaks.  I hope you feel a peace as you watch here.   I know I did.

Elder Anderson was the area authority in Brazil while my parents were there and so they reported to him and also became friends with him and his wife, Kathy.  They have lunch together about once a year about this time and this year in particular they had some tender conversations about Georgia and all that passed during that trying time.  The Andersons asked if they could come to the balloon release and then a few days later Elder Anderson asked if he could use Georgia's story in his talk and bring a church photographer to the grave.   I don't know if anyone ever tells an Apostle "no thanks" and we weren't about to either!  Plus, we were honored that he would ask.  It was special for our family, so thank you Elder Anderson!

If Georgia were here...

I was so grateful for the balloon release to look forward to on Georgia's special day. I had been pondering for some months before what I might do to honor her and celebrate her life that day instead of just mope. And yet, after the balloon release and the kids were in bed, I felt the pang of her absence and couldn't help the tears. I longed to be in Utah with everyone and to feel the closeness of those who love her so dearly as I do. As I cried, a sudden warmth came over me and the thought entered my mind - "what would we be doing if Georgia were here right now?" I immediately felt happy! I knew exactly what we'd be doing! We would be laughing, eating gummy bears, talking about the Gospel and life in general, and at some point playing our violins - both serious and fun music, of course. :)

I couldn't help but smile and feel the urge to play as I reminisced. Memories of Georgia flooded my mind, and as I played Beethoven's "Romance," I was reminded of an experience our sophomore(?) year of college. Ever since we were young, we had a tradition of playing our violins with and for each other whenever we had sleepovers. This time, Georgia played the Romance for me. Before she played, she talked about her great respect for Mr. Fucs and how grateful she was that he encouraged her to play from her heart, along with the many other great things he taught her. As she played, it was as though I could see her very soul! The Spirit filled the room, and her music, though it came from a violin, seemed to come from heaven. It sounded almost like singing. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I will never forget it. Anyone who has heard her play has perhaps had a similar experience.

Years ago, my violin teacher said, "Some people play to dazzle, others play to touch." Well, Georgia could certainly dazzle any audience, that's for sure, but that wasn't her goal. She truly did play to touch the hearts of those who listened, which she absolutely did every time she played.

My spirits were lifted and I felt connected to her through the music. As my husband and I looked through her pictures, read her testimony, and ate chocolate ice cream,  I again rejoiced that, although not in visible form, she actually IS here. :)

A Ten-Year Celebration

I have been in tears way too many times this month, looking at all of the people who released balloons and wrote wonderful remembrances of Georgia.  Thank you so so much for helping our family feel close to Georgia.  I hope it was as healing to all of you as it was to us.  We had such a special day on the 10th anniversary and I don't want to take any excitement out of what Haleigh Vance is creating with all of the footage of the balloon releases, but I wanted to post a couple of pictures of the Salt Lake City gathering.  The light and spirit of the weekend has stayed with me and really changed me.  I returned home to Milwaukee feeling UP and Joyful and more than anything, Grateful.  Because of Georgia's wonderful way of living we were able to rejoice and celebrate this event instead of mourn, although there were tears aplenty.  Wish you could have all been there, but we felt your support in a very real way.  Thank you.

My beautiful mother with flowers from old friends, the Debry's.

My cute dad who excitedly went to buy 20 balloons - all in the wrong colors!  We gave him a hard time about it and got a really good laugh out of it and true to his character, he took it like a man.  He took care of so many details that day including cleaning up the grave.  We couldn't have done it without him.

My parents shared journal entries and Georgia's testimony of the Book of Mormon.

A picture with all of the sisters, even Georgia.

Adam, our brother, rounding up kids and balloons.  It ended up being a gorgeous night.

Elder Neal Anderson and his wife came to honor Georgia (they are friends of my parents and came to know them well while serving in Brazil when Georgia pass away).  Elder Anderson shared some wonderful and comforting words, recounting the story of Lazarus and telling us that his story is for all of us and that the resurrection is real and true and it feels good to us because it is true, not just because that's what we want to hear.  It was a humble but sure testimony and I loved it.  

Dear and wonderful music friends with their children - a few of whom share a common name.  One of their daughters ("Sister Shearer" who served as a missionary in Nauvoo with Georgia - in the lighter pink shirt) made sure everyone at the grave knew that her name was Georgia.  One of the two little girls in front (Brittany Gardner's daughter) has the middle name Georgia, and that's George in the arms of his father, Joe Marshall.  With my own daughter Georgia, my nephew George, all of these children, and others I haven't mentioned, our dear Georgia Marriott will be remembered for generations.